I am spending my last few hours with your predecessor, 2012. She wasn’t as bad as 2011 was to me but I can’t wait to end our relationship. She wasn’t good for me, 13. Maybe it was partially my fault. When I met her, I wasn’t up for the introduction. I don’t do well on blind dates. 2011 was a huge disappointment for me. When we met I had plans for us. By the second month, she had already broken my heart. 11 took my mom away from me. She made my mother fatally ill and I am scorned for life. So you could imagine that when I met 12, I was already holding a grudge and sabotaging my relationship with her from the giddy up.
Enough about 11. Let me give you the low down on 12. 12 had me so confused about what I wanted for myself. She did not give me plenty of opportunities to make ‘me’ right and I couldn’t see my way through the fog.
We met last January. Although I was glad to live to see her face, I didn’t go all out with excitement but gave her that light love with the head nod, “wassup”. I guess she was OK with the greeting because she kept me around. In February, my birthday had come around again so I went to visit my mom’s grave in South Carolina. I ended up having to return about two weeks later because 12 led my grandmother to her final rest. She was my last grandparent left.
From that point on things got a little darker for me. I somewhat lost direction. I knew that I had to be rebuilt but couldn’t find the strength to do it alone. I sought out help. Funny what you learn about yourself when analyzed by a neutral person: good guy; bad experiences and decisions.
Around June, I began to see a little light at the end of the tunnel though. Some of my mountains were really molehills; or at least by September I had convinced myself that they were going to be in order to move forward. By November I got a bit more clarity on where I was headed. In December I hit a snag but I think I know how to mend my fabric of life back up. I’m cut from the same cloth of a Martin Luther King or Barack Obama speech. My words are filled with hope and no longer do I feel caged.
So can I assume that you feel where I’m coming from 13? This is not a new year’s resolution but I just can’t wait to see your face. I’m not promising you that I’m going to jump on a treadmill, get organized, get out of debt, etc. I’m just going to live. As long as I can say that my decisions are of my best interests, I’m executing them. So you know what I’m going to do when that ball drops and you come walking my way? I’m going to give you that same light love that I gave to 12 and we can work on our relationship from there. When we argue, we need solutions. When we laugh, we need to toast to something. When you cross me, and I know you will, I will be ready to rearrange you to my liking. So the question is not if I am ready for 2013 but is 2013 ready for me?