I try to avoid discussing personal things on this site, just because I don’t necessarily like the idea of putting myself out there. But it’s been an interesting political week, and I wouldn’t be true to myself or this site (which is an extension of myself) if I didn’t say what was on my mind, right?
The big news (at least for the past several hours) is that President Obama has finally come out and said that he is in support of same-sex marriage. Now, there will be plenty of people who will say that this is an election year gambit and he should’ve come out in favor at any given point prior to now. We can play the “shoulda, woulda, coulda” game from now until 2016, but there’s no dancing around the fact that for any major presidential contender (let alone an actual sitting president) to make a statement like that is fucking monumental. Yeah, I’m a cynic, and I certainly believe that part of the reason Obama announced this to Robin Roberts is because he’s trying to shore up potential undecided voters, but let’s also consider the fact that this announcement will also repel a good chunk of potential undecided voters, particularly the black religious conservative constituency. The fact that this comes less than 24 hours after the state of North Carolina passed a vote to approve a constitutional amendment to define marriage as “strictly between a man and a woman” is not coincidental, I’m sure.
Why does this affect me? Obvious answer: I’m gay. In the event that I meet a man that I would like to spend the rest of my life yet (hasn’t happened yet, but hope springs eternal), I’d like to have that person have the same rights as any spouse, whether they be tax breaks or the ability to make decisions about my life in the event I wond up in a bad health situation and a decision has to be made-or vice versa. I shudder to think about who would have control over my affairs in the event that I do, in fact, get sick. I don’t think my basic human rights should be compromised by something I have no control over.
Let me repeat the last part of that sentence: something I have NO control over. Most of the people who will tell you homosexuality is a choice or conscious decision have no ground to stand on. After all, they’re not gay. I’m pretty sure if you asked most if not all of those folks if they ever made a conscious decision to be straight, they’d say no. Being gay-for me-was as much of a conscious decision as being right-handed. Or being black. I had no say in the matter, and I’ve struggled long enough to confidently get on the soapbox and say that this is how I was made and, largely, I’m okay with it.
I guess my question is: why shouldn’t gay people be allowed to marry? Or, more accurately, why shouldn’t gay couples, in the eyes of the law, be able to receive the same benefits as married straight couples? What’s the big deal about how people live their lives so long as it isn’t hurting anyone? I won’t go into detail about biblical studies because I haven’t read the Bible in full, but I’ll also say that I know enough about the Bible to be well aware that there are many presumed “sins” mentioned in addition to homosexuality and no one out there is passing laws saying adulterers, for example, can’t marry. Murderers can marry. Even the most closed-minded person would agree that adultery and murder should be much higher up on the sin scale than being attracted to/falling in love with someone, whether they share the same equipment as you or not. Two people love one another, they want to get married-even if you don’t “agree with” the nature of their relationship, why should that decision even matter to you?
So what does it matter? What are people afraid of? This is largely a rhetorical question, because I doubt that I’ll get an honest answer from anyone. In my personal experience, I’ve had the most trouble with people who identify themselves as Christian, because they shut off when I bring up the topic. If you’re going to be against something, at least have the balls to stand up for it, you know? I feel as though there’s still a segment of the population that feels like there’s some kind of “gay agenda” in which armies of fabulously dressed men and truck-driving women will converge to make the entire world homosexual. First off, those people are in la-la land, and second of all, I think that way of thinking masks either extreme fear of the unknown or some kind of self-hatred. There are a lot of self-loathing homos out there, and one need only look at the past 5-10 years in American politics and folks like Ted Haggard to infer that the people who fight the hardest against something are usually doing so to deflect attention away from them doing that exact thing. As far as the fear thing goes, I can only relate that personally from my experience as a black man. Now sit on Uncle Big Money’s lap, ’cause he’s gonna tell you a story. One thing that will stick with me from now until the end of the time is something an Asian kid wrote in my high school yearbook. To paraphrase: he was prejudiced against black people and it wasn’t until he befriended me that he was able to accept a black person as a brother. It probably wasn’t anything specific I did to change his mind: it was just me being me. Same goes for gay people. We’re not lepers. We’re fucking people. I guarantee that the majority of homophobes out there have someone very close to them who is gay (or bisexual) and just hasn’t admitted it to them…or themselves.
Do you think anyone wants to be looked down upon or treated as a second class citizen because of something they didn’t have a say in? What galls me more than garden variety homophobia is when it’s practiced by other minority groups. It’s like, you already know what it’s like to be discriminated against. Why would you intentionally discriminate against someone else? No one’s asking you to do anything other than to live and let live, and have a little bit of humanity for your fellow man. Even if you wanna play the Christian card, discrimination against gays flies against the basic tenet of Christianity or any other religion: the Golden Rule-do unto others as you would have done to you.
(steps off soapbox)
At any rate, there’s no disputing that this is a big deal for President Obama. No doors will open overnight, but for the first time in history, the leader of the free world is voicing his opinion and coming out in support of a group of people that serve as a rallying point for socially conservative folks. It’s certainly a ballsy move—the President is standing up for a cause that will cost him tons of voters, but it’s a watershed moment in American history, especially for people like me who want the rights we deserve as taxpaying, hardworking citizens who are as entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness as anyone else is. The President’s statement won’t immediately open any doors, but it does appear as though the light is growing brighter at the end of the tunnel.
7 comments
Drew says:
May 10, 2012
Truth across the board, sir. Regardless of any ulterior motive, I commend President Obama for coming out and saying what every other president – particularly the modern ones – should have. I think it says a lot about him as a person, and if I were an undecided voter (spoiler alert, I’m not), this is an important enough issue to convince me to pull the lever for him once again.
Of course, between this and the North Carolina decision, a quick glance at any internet forum – Yahoo, Youtube, Facebook, pick your poison – finds hundreds of thousands of vocal bigots trotting out their execrable racism and homophobia en masse. (You know, because Obama not only had the gall to be black, but how dare he support homos to boot? I AM WHITE MALE HEAR ME ROAR!)
There’s a movement of people out there claiming that they’re not homophobic, because that implies that they’re SCARED of gay people, and that’s definitely not the case. To those people, I’d like to say: I think everybody accusing you of homophobia absolutely got the term correct. If you weren’t scared of homosexuality at least a little bit, there’d be no reason to be this vehement.
Gonzo says:
May 10, 2012
On the money, as usual.
It’s absolutely a political move. On the political side of things, a lot of folks (myself included) are disappointed in Obama’s first term in that he didn’t follow through on a lot of the more progressive initiatives that he proposed. While those folks aren’t going to flock to Romney, they may just opt out of the electoral process altogether – I think that this is a calculated move to win some of those folks back.
That said, I think that Obama is also sincere on this point. Like some of his other positions though, I’d rather see action. Still, as you noted – this is a big moment politically and socially. Listening to a lot of the coverage of the primary, it also seems that it’s getting increasingly difficult for the right to defend this position. This is now a campaign issue, whether the candidate / candidate-to-be like it or not. If Obama does win, he’s going to have to take a stronger stance than calling it a states’ rights issue, I think.
blerd says:
May 10, 2012
My experience has been that homophobes fall into two camps:
1) People who are uber-religious and blindly follow the Bible and/or have been raised to believe that homosexuality is wrong/unnatural behavior (in which case, some independent thought is encouraged; while the basic tenets of the Bible are certainly sound, you have to use your own judgment to pick out what’s really right and really wrong in it. And not everything in it is right, as has been proven time and time again.)
2) People who are afraid and jealous of people who are afraid to live their lives openly. There’s a reason that many homophobes turn out to be massive closet cases.
blerd says:
May 10, 2012
Agree with both of your points.
I, too, am disappointed that Obama hasn’t followed through on a lot of the things that were promised during his 2008 campaign. While I understand that some of that is due to the difficulty he’s had conquering resistance from opposing members of Congress, I also think he could be a lot more forceful in his approach.
I think that if he’s elected in 2012, which he probably will be, we’ll see a much more progressive, go-for-broke version of Obama. I hope, anyway.
Angela says:
May 11, 2012
I think we’ll see that, too. Which would be fantastic. I’d love to see the president essentially tell the Republicans that if they’re not going to act like adults and work alongside him they can kindly fuck off. Though, in some ways, I think he’s been messing with that party here and there throughout the last four years-I get the feeling there are some things he’s doing privately that he knows are going to make the Republicans look bad. It’s like a chess game with him, almost.
What galls me more than garden variety homophobia is when it’s practiced by other minority groups. It’s like, you already know what it’s like to be discriminated against. Why would you intentionally discriminate against someone else?
THIS. This is why I’m absolutely mystified when I hear about how the black community still has a lot of people who are anti-gay rights running around. I wonder why it is that there are some from other minority groups who refuse to accept letting gay people have rights.
Anywho, I honestly think Obama’s personally never had a problem with gay marriage. But whether he’s saying what he genuinely believes (which I think he is) or whether he’s doing this as a political move, my response is: Who cares? He’s still coming down on the right side of an issue either way. The GOP truly scares me, they’re moving farther and farther to the right every day, so anything that possibly helps Obama energize his base and independent/moderate supporters and helps him win a second term is fine with me. And given that a slim majority of Americans DO favor same sex marriage, and ESPECIALLY given that many, many young people support it, I think this will help him in the long run more than it will hurt him. Plus, now that we’ve got his support on the issue, we can turn that support into action.
And on that note, North Carolina residents ought to be ashamed. I saw a photo in the paper today of a woman cutting a cake at a gathering of people who supported the amendment out there-it was like a fucking celebration. All I could think was, how cold are those people? How miserable are their lives that they have to deny other people their chance at happiness or equal rights, because they can’t get over their stupid prejudices or think for themselves for once instead of letting a thousands year old book do it all for them? Absolutely pathetic. I have no time or patience for the anti-gay mindset. They’re losing this fight, and rightfully so. They need to get over themselves and their petty crap and grow up already.
blerd says:
May 11, 2012
All excellent points. Obviously, I agree wholeheartedly!
A lot of black folks are Christian, which would explain the homophobia. Also, there’s the fact that a lot of black men are raised with a super-macho mindset. In my specific case, my folks are old school from the Caribbean, and unfortunately they’re not open-minded enough that we’d be able to have an honest discussion about my sexuality, and I’m not gonna force them. Ah well. Their loss.
Rob Smith's Media 6ix: May 16, 2012 | Popdose says:
May 16, 2012
[…] Roberts ABC News Interview with President Obama” (abcnews.go.com, posted 5/9/12); Blerd, “Blerditorial: What Did Gay People Ever Do To You?” (popblerd.com, posted 5/10/12); Margaret Talbot, “Wedding Bells,” (newyorker.com, […]