Angry LeBron Wants A Ring

Two days before 2011 became 2012, several of us threw out predictions that we think will happen in the pop culture world for 2012. Some of them are silly. Some are serious. Some may even happen. I give to you, predictions for 2012 by members of the Popblerd staff.

Mike A.

The eight-track tape will make a comeback.
Hipsters, bored with vinyl now that it has begun to make a “mainstream” revival, look to a long lost relic of the past in the eight-track tape to latch on to as their own, in a totally non-ironic way of course. Quickly, hundreds of shitty bands you’ve never heard of start selling their latest EP’s on the eight-track format at their merch tables, in tiny venues across the country. By November, Starbucks jumps on the trend and starts offering their “Eight-Track of the Month” music samplers in stores nationwide.

This is the year LeBron James gets his ring.
In a ridiculous season that started with a lockout that solved nothing, in a league where small markets are irrelevant and ‘stars’ still get to dictate what big city they will play in, David Stern sees to it that his ultimate sham team, the Miami Heat get to hoist the Larry O’Brien Trophy when all is said and done. LeBron James and Dwyane Wade average 25 free throws per game throughout the playoffs, and David Stern’s officials are named Finals MVP’s for finally figuring out a way to get “King James” his ring. And across the country, a large segment of the population STILL believe the NBA is a legitimate basketball league.

Four More Years.
Barack Obama is re-elected as President of the United States in November. This seems like a no-brainer, Americans couldn’t possibly put any of these clowns the GOP have rolled out this time in charge, right? Rick “The Everythingphobe” Santorum? Mitt “The Robot” Romney? Then again, Kim Kardashian does have over 12 million Twitter followers…

Charles

The Van Halen Tour will come to an abrupt end.
I’ve never been a gambling man, or too much of a risk taker. I tend to opt for the sure thing, you know…the easy money. That is exactly why I am once again going the easy route and predicting that the upcoming Van Halen tour, with David Lee Roth front and center, will come to an abrupt end. I hope I’m wrong, but I’m putting the over/under at 10 dates. While I am confident of this unfortunate outcome, there is actually pretty good reason to be optimistic for a successful tour. The group has a new album coming out in early February, their first together in 27 years. They were able to make it through that process together, seemingly unscathed……so there is certainly hope that that can continue. However, the rigors of the road can be an entirely different beast….a beast I do not see them slaying. Mark your calendars, Roth freaks out and walks out before show 10. Let’s just hope Gary Cherone doesn’t jump in to replace him.

Tim Burton will re-create The Phantom Tollbooth In 2012.
I believe we will witness one of those all-time great combinations this year. One that could rival chocolate & peanut butter, steak & cheese, and root beer & ice cream in greatness. Damn, I’m hungry.

I predict that at some point this year news will surface that Tim Burton will re-create Norton Juster’s classic “The Phantom Tollbooth” for the big screen. Think about it, its a perfect combination that is long overdue. The last film adaptation was over 40 years ago. In the past 10 years alone we’ve had a Spiderman series with an upcoming reboot, yet its been over 40 for Tollbooth?! It is definitely time, and who else could give the mythical lands of Dictionopulous, The Mountains of Ignorance and the Doldrums the grandiose aesthetic they deserve? No one. I know its been said for the past 2 years that Gary Ross is behind a project to bring Tollbooth back, but I’m not buying it. The Phantom Tollbooth needs to be made, and Tim Burton is the one to do it, and 2012 is the year.

Big Money

Political craziness will be at an all-time high.
Not that the past decade or so hasn’t prepped us for this. There have been warnings about some funky shit about to go down ever since Jebby helped Dubya cook the books in Florida. Political hostility appears to be at an all-time high. The ultra-conservatives are crazy. The ultra-liberals are crazy. The media’s in a feeding frenzy. The economy’s in the toilet. The national debt is ridiculous. People. Are. Pissed. Off. This is an election year, and so many people are upset with the political process that they’ve resorted to potentially voting for the least worst candidate as opposed to the best candidate. It’s not just the disenfranchised (and generally ignored) who are upset either–the unrest has spilled into the middle class via things like the Occupy Movement. Will Americans’ anger hit the boiling point and spill over this year? And if so, will there be real change ahead?

The Yankees will be average this year. But the Red Sox will be too.
It’s time for a change in the AL East. My beloved Yankees have had a solid run of almost two decades. But Jeter’s a year older. Mo’s a year older. A-Rod is a year older. CC’s a year older and probably 20 pounds fatter. Diminshing returns are going to set in. They faded fast in the playoffs, showing no teeth against the Tigers. Unless there are some major off-season upgrades, we might be looking at the first truly mediocre season in years for the men in pinstripes. Not that their rivals to the north have done much better. Will a front-office shakeup be enough to turn the Sox into contenders again? Or will I be looking at a humdrum season for my hometown team as well as the team of my adopted hometown?

“Detox” will be released this year.
Nah, I’m kidding. I don’t think it’s ever gonna come out. And I’m pretty sure if/when it comes out, people are gonna be really disappointed. When was the last time Dr. Dre had a hit production anyway?

GG

Lady Gaga shows up at the Grammys with Ralph Macchio as her date.
Remember Lady Gaga’s alter-ego Jo Calderone from the 2011 MTV Video Music Awards? Didn’t he (she?) look eerily similar to a young Ralph Macchio from his Outsiders days? I think we’ll see Jo and Ralph sitting next to each other and maybe even presenting an award together. Maybe Ralph will even tell Jo to, “Do it for Johnny.”

Will Smith starts dating a young, hot actress.
It sounds like there’s fire to the smoke signals that Will Smith and wife Jada Pinkett Smith were sending out in late 2011. Will and Jada may get divorced? If they do, I think Will hits us with some hotness. It could be a Minka Kelly type if she ever learns that Derek Jeter is going to be a playboy forever. It could be someone like Stacy Keibler after George Clooney is through with her. But I’m going Mila Kunis. And yes, I think he starts talking about making another rap album too.

(By the way, did Alicia Keys just jinx everyone in her song Unbreakable? First Kimora and Russell. And now Will and Jada.)

Floyd Mayweather and Manny Pacquiao don’t fight.
Floyd Mayweather will report to jail on June 1st and get out September 1st on good behavior. The wheels will start turning for a Mayweather/Pacquiao fight in late November. The split will be decided and agreed upon. The venue will be decided and agreed upon. But the last minute details won’t be agreed upon and the fight will be off. Pacquiao’s camp won’t agree to Mayweather’s insistence that Pacquiao spend all of his training time in the United States so that Olympic style random drug testing can be performed. Pacquiao will state that his other job as a congressman in the Philippines will not allow it, and we’ll be back at square one again.

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