Blerd: Hey dude, What’s shakin’?

Gonzo: Busy busy, but aren’t we all?

B: Yeah, tell me about it!

G: So…I only recently started drinking beer…

B: Really???

G: Yeah, within the last year. I’ve always been a liquor person.

I prefer light. I prefer beer that doesn’t taste like beer.

B: Well, beer that doesn’t taste like beer essentially tastes like water.

G: With a splash of urine!

Wait, did I just implicate myself in something gross?

B: I hope this is not a Cover Convo about R. Kelly…

…or Chuck Berry…

G: No indeed!

Is that my cue?

B: I dropped the ball…it’s up to you to catch it, my brother!

(*editor’s note*…I think I meant to say I threw the ball, not dropped it…)

G: Alley oop!

Alright. I don’t know what’s going on in Boston, but aside from snowing on Halloween weekend, weather’s been beautiful here. And I’m one of those dudes who likes to hold on to every last thread of summer for as long as humanly possible.

That said, this time around my selection could be considered a bit on the summery side, ignore that it’s November!

I’ve been revisiting my garage rock obsession, and so Blerdy, I give you this:

B: This looks super “American Bandstand”-y

G: Straight from the jungle and into the go-go club, it seems.

B: This is not what i expected the people who originally sang this song to look like.

G: Yeah, they’re kind of rocking some Sam the Sham style here.

B: That’s a pretty good comparison.

G: This was their only real hit, reaching #11 on the pop charts (in the U.S.), #7 in the Great White North.

B: So the original version was actually a hit?

G: 1965, indeed!

They had no other real hits to speak of although “Night Time” (also from 1965, peak position #30) became a bit of a garage standard.

B: I am getting schooled today!!

G: You know how we do!

G:

B: Ahhh…much more familiar!

G: Wow, here’s a shock – Bow Wow Wow’s version only charted at #62.

B: It’s so weird how some songs that were total non-hits in the ’80s are more fondly remembered than a lot of the songs that were legit hits.

G: Yeah – I always wonder what makes some songs part of the canon so to speak, even if they don’t do well commercially.

B: I’m sure this was a huge hit elsewhere.

G: #9 UK.

I remember crushing hard on Anabella Lwin back in the day…which now makes me feel like a creeper, knowing that she was potentially not of age at the time.

I also really wanted the guitarist’s Mohawk.

B: Wait, what do you mean by back in the day? It certainly wasn’t 1982. You would have been a toddler!

G: I peaked young. Just kidding. Probably when it was still circulating in the late ’80s.

B: Holy shit, she’s dancing with a ginormous candy cane. Symbolism much?

G: Yeah, right? The innuendo is far stronger in the Bow Wow Wow version…

…but not the Lil Bow Wow version

B: Oh, God!

G: I’m kidding, I don’t think Lil Bow Wow ever covered this.

But you know who did cover it?

B: Oh, no…

G: (and the creep factor is about to go off the charts)

B: Oh, NOOOOOO!!! Damn you to hell!!

G: What the good fuck? What twisted Disney exec let this happen?

B: Wait, and Hilary Duff is in this!

G: Apparently, she’s got the “candy” in question.

B: This is a “Dateline NBC” waiting to happen.

“I like Candy when it’s wrapped in a sweater!!!”…oh MAN oh man oh Manischewitz!

G: That was horrifying.

Well, I’ll spare you the Mel C. version

B: WHAT??

Wait. Which one was Mel C…Sporty Spice?

G: Yizzur!

B: Wow…I can only imagine how absolutely awful that must be.

G: You’re going to make me do it, aren’t you?

B: You don’t have to…but we should be complete, right?

G: (sigh)

B: How recent is this?

G: 2007. Apparently from the soundtrack to a film called…..I Want Candy.

Honestly, this could be worse. Like Aaron Carter.

B: What was this movie about, pray tell?

G: Oh Christ – this one sentence summary has so much to say:

“A group of film students at Leatherhead University in search of funding for their feature film “The Love Storm” end up having to rewrite and make it into a porno. This leads the boys head first into a world of erotica that they didn’t even know existed and into the life of actress Candy Fiveways (Carmen Electra).”

B: Candy Fiveways!!!!!

G: Oy vey.

B: I almost kind of sort of want to watch a few minutes of it someday when I have nothing better to do.

G: Lucky you, it’s streaming on Netflix.

B: Ohhhhh snap! Movie night! I’ll make the popcorn.

G: Only if we live tweet that shit.

B: TOTALLY ON IT.

G: Alright, sir. Who’s got the best candy?

B: I feel sort of dirty answering that question now.

I’m gonna have to go with…Aaron Carter!

…psych. Bow Wow Wow wins it for me.

G: Por que?

B: The first version is really bland to my ears. The other versions are made by Aaron Carter and Melanie C., immediately eliminating them from contention for “Best” anything.

I think part of the appeal of Bow Wow Wow’s version is the taboo-ness of it.

G: Good point.

B: It’s creepy but catchy, as opposed to just creepy.

G: Although I love the Bow Wow Wow version and it’s probably the definitive take, I’m going to go with The Strangeloves.

As you may know by now, I often default to the original. I also have a soft spot for garage rock.

B: Are you just doing that to be contrary?

G: Nah.

The Bow Wow Wow cut is fantastic, for sure.

Maybe its’…it’s the loincloths.

B: You’re just mad cause you never were able to have the mohawk

G: Truth. 🙁

B: You should get one now. I’ll totally give you a haircut.

G: Maybe I will. I never got to get the Batcut either

B: Batcut?

G: http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a277/Jay-Ryan/batcut.jpg

B: Ahhh yes!

G: I know that the name isn’t real obvious.

B: Gonzo will be here all week, ladies and gentlemen! Try the fish!

G: That’s…what she said.

B: (groans loudly)

G: So there we have it. We’ve been on a roll with disagreement…it has been a pleasure, as always!

B: Now the pressure is on me!

G: Yes indeed!

Gonzo Says: Annabella Lwin may have had the Mohawk, and the sex appeal, but his jones for garage rock means that The Strangeloves win the prize!!

Blerd Says: Garage rock’s cool, but how can you go wrong with the Eighties? Bow Wow Wow FTW!!

What do you think?

Incoming search terms:

  • bow wow wow i want candy
  • i want candy bow wow wow
  • bow wow i want candy
  • bow wow wow - i want candy
Be Sociable, Share!