One thing we can probably all agree on is that sexiness is relative. Everyone’s got their own quirks. Some people think it’s a 6 pack, or a big rack. For some people, it’s less visual and more intellectual. Personally, as a gay dude, I find most typically attractive men (say, Brad Pitt) pretty un-sexy. Too Metro for my tastes (although I will admit that seeing him in “Thelma & Louise” gave me quite the teenage boner).

Billboard Magazine, that bastion of sexiness, has published the results of a readers’ poll designed to determine the 10 sexiest male and female musicians around right now. The results were a weird mix between “yeah, we expected that” and “what the HELL were they thinking?”. To wit:

10 Sexiest Male Musicians:

1. Adam Lambert
2. Nick Jonas
3. Chris Brown
4. Justin Timberlake
5. Enrique Iglesias
6. Bruce Springsteen
7. Jon Bon Jovi
8. Usher
9. Maxwell
10. Drake

10 Sexiest Female Musicians:

1. Britney Spears
2. Beyonce
3. Miley Cyrus
4. Rihanna
5. Lady GaGa
6. Carrie Underwood
7. Shakira
8. Nicole Scherzinger
9. Taylor Swift
10. Katy Perry

The girls’ list is pretty standard, actually. While I fail to understand why anyone finds Britney Spears sexy, I’m grown enough to realize that some people have different tastes than I do, and maybe there are just a ton of dudes out there who find Britney attractive in the same way that they find strippers at the local skankhole sexy. While a good chunk of the ladies on the list are legitimately hot (Shakira, Beyonce, Nicole and Rihanna), I have to scratch my head at some of the choices. Lady Gaga? Maybe if you put a bag over her face. Katy Perry? (no smart-ass comment comes to mind. She’s just not sexy). And um, guys? Miley Cyrus is still underage. Just saying.

Now, granted, I’m a gay dude. So in terms of wanting to bang any of these chicks, I’d probably pass on all ten. But I still think I have a pretty good idea of what constitutes sexy, and I’m a little surprised by the exclusion of ladies like Alicia Keys, Pink, and Janet Jackson. Hell, even Sade should have made the cut. I also gotta cast my own personal vote for Norah Jones, who I think is amazingly sexy, and does it without removing a stitch of clothing. However, I am happy that Fergie was not included. Because bestiality is just wrong.

On the guys’ side…Adam Lambert? That strikes me as a weird choice, but I also assume that guys were allowed to vote for guys and girls were allowed to vote for girls. Still, Adam Lambert strikes me as decidedly UNsexy, and we’re batting on the same team. Of course, even more horrifying is the fact that Chris “Sluggo” Brown got enough votes to land at #3. Now, Chris is a handsome looking guy, but sexiness is an overall package, and I’d imagine that not only the fact that he’s a convicted woman batterer but the fact that he’s been fairly remorseless about the whole deal would drop him a couple notches. What does the fact that he got more votes than all except two artists say about womankind?

Nobody on that particular list is exactly my cup of tea, but I must say I am somewhat surprised that there’s no LL Cool J, no John Mayer (douchey comments aside), and there are no country musicians. Perhaps I’m just showing prejudice, since that’s where my tastes lie, but I figure voters would have at least given it up for Tim McGraw.

Who else do you think got passed over on this list?

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