One thing we can probably all agree on is that sexiness is relative. Everyone’s got their own quirks. Some people think it’s a 6 pack, or a big rack. For some people, it’s less visual and more intellectual. Personally, as a gay dude, I find most typically attractive men (say, Brad Pitt) pretty un-sexy. Too Metro for my tastes (although I will admit that seeing him in “Thelma & Louise” gave me quite the teenage boner).
Billboard Magazine, that bastion of sexiness, has published the results of a readers’ poll designed to determine the 10 sexiest male and female musicians around right now. The results were a weird mix between “yeah, we expected that” and “what the HELL were they thinking?”. To wit:
10 Sexiest Male Musicians:
1. Adam Lambert
2. Nick Jonas
3. Chris Brown
4. Justin Timberlake
5. Enrique Iglesias
6. Bruce Springsteen
7. Jon Bon Jovi
8. Usher
9. Maxwell
10. Drake
10 Sexiest Female Musicians:
1. Britney Spears
2. Beyonce
3. Miley Cyrus
4. Rihanna
5. Lady GaGa
6. Carrie Underwood
7. Shakira
8. Nicole Scherzinger
9. Taylor Swift
10. Katy Perry
The girls’ list is pretty standard, actually. While I fail to understand why anyone finds Britney Spears sexy, I’m grown enough to realize that some people have different tastes than I do, and maybe there are just a ton of dudes out there who find Britney attractive in the same way that they find strippers at the local skankhole sexy. While a good chunk of the ladies on the list are legitimately hot (Shakira, Beyonce, Nicole and Rihanna), I have to scratch my head at some of the choices. Lady Gaga? Maybe if you put a bag over her face. Katy Perry? (no smart-ass comment comes to mind. She’s just not sexy). And um, guys? Miley Cyrus is still underage. Just saying.
Now, granted, I’m a gay dude. So in terms of wanting to bang any of these chicks, I’d probably pass on all ten. But I still think I have a pretty good idea of what constitutes sexy, and I’m a little surprised by the exclusion of ladies like Alicia Keys, Pink, and Janet Jackson. Hell, even Sade should have made the cut. I also gotta cast my own personal vote for Norah Jones, who I think is amazingly sexy, and does it without removing a stitch of clothing. However, I am happy that Fergie was not included. Because bestiality is just wrong.
On the guys’ side…Adam Lambert? That strikes me as a weird choice, but I also assume that guys were allowed to vote for guys and girls were allowed to vote for girls. Still, Adam Lambert strikes me as decidedly UNsexy, and we’re batting on the same team. Of course, even more horrifying is the fact that Chris “Sluggo” Brown got enough votes to land at #3. Now, Chris is a handsome looking guy, but sexiness is an overall package, and I’d imagine that not only the fact that he’s a convicted woman batterer but the fact that he’s been fairly remorseless about the whole deal would drop him a couple notches. What does the fact that he got more votes than all except two artists say about womankind?
Nobody on that particular list is exactly my cup of tea, but I must say I am somewhat surprised that there’s no LL Cool J, no John Mayer (douchey comments aside), and there are no country musicians. Perhaps I’m just showing prejudice, since that’s where my tastes lie, but I figure voters would have at least given it up for Tim McGraw.
Who else do you think got passed over on this list?
11 comments
GG says:
Feb 16, 2010
Now there’s a Fergie joke I haven’t done yet. Damn, you beat me to it and it was a good one.
How Beyonce isn’t number one is kind of beyond me. Britney has grown decidedly less attractive as she’s grown up. Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus are quirky young chicks and I don’t think of sexy at all when it comes to them. I think “cute” or “goofy”, but then again if John Mayer is hanging with Taylor, maybe there’s something there. But still, she’s like 19.
Adam Lambert is probably not the sexiest cat in his household, but I guess when you simulate BJs and want to be known for sex, that’s what people think of you as. In his case, maybe that’s the only good the marketing did for his image, because it sure didn’t help him sell records.
blerdwords says:
Feb 16, 2010
Britney is just kind of a hot mess. She hasn’t been anything even remotely sexy in years and years.
Can’t argue about that Lambert comment either. To me, sexiness is something that you don’t have to try hard to obtain. When you act like Lambert does, it seems more like desperation than sexiness.
GG says:
Feb 17, 2010
Just remembered the Fergie joke that I did the other day.
I wish they used Auto-tune for Fergie’s face. Ha!
Mikey says:
Feb 17, 2010
Don’t hate on KAty Perry. I hope my wife isn’t reading this, but man what I’d love to do to her if given the chance. Something about her drives me crazy!
blerdwords says:
Feb 17, 2010
There ain’t no technology available to fix that shit.
GG says:
Feb 17, 2010
Ahahahaha.
blerdwords says:
Feb 18, 2010
Mikey, you’re killin’ me. Seriously??
Mikey says:
Feb 18, 2010
I kissed Katy Perry’s tush… And I liked it!!!! I can’t explain it but when new photos of her in tight clothes hit the web, I get excited.
blerdwords says:
Feb 18, 2010
Ahhh Mikey. You obviously have decent taste in women-your wife is cute. But Katy Perry? Especially now that she’s with that skeeve Russell Brand? Man…is the homo gonna have to school you on good looking chicks?
brittany says:
Feb 20, 2010
Britney was sexy…6 years ago.
And Adam Lambert? Nick Jonas? As a straight female, I can say for a FACT that neither of them are even remotely “sexy”…
I’m pretty sure they got the top votes because their fansites or forums had their fans mob the poll and vote for them. Ask the average person on the street, and I’m sure these top ten lists would look VERY different.
blerdwords says:
Feb 20, 2010
That’s kinda what I thought! I can’t even tell Nick Jonas from the other Jonases!!