People often ask me why I write these articles. I think I said it before; this is a therapeutic form of expression for me. The songs I choose offer a glimpse of the feelings behind my words. Also, on many levels people have communicated that they could relate to a few of my posts which lets me know I am not alone in my thoughts and neither are they. This time around it’s a bit more personal though. I broke down the verses to the song so you could see how it relates to my life. Sometimes we just need some kind of outlet to cleanse our souls and this is the avenue I chose.

[1st Verse:]

I done had money
I done been broke
I done been talked about something awful
Done been lied on by so many folks

Though it’s been a while, I remember when I didn’t have a job. One day while working, I just quit; no plans on doing anything in particular. No savings; just frustrations. I needed a break. I was living off of my parents. Before my father would leave for work every morning, he’d leave a few dollars for me so that I could do something with myself. Eventually I ended up semi-staying at my ex-girlfriend’s house while she went to work and I remained at home experimenting with my music. For the first time in my life I was doing something that I enjoyed but had no income.

After some time I had gotten a good job and my financial gap had been closed. While there, I kept to myself but I had always been the quiet type. Unfortunately I was considered anti-social by some of my peers and because no one really knew anything about me, rumors began to spread. It was like I was a fictional character in a movie and they were the directors. It still happens even to this day. F’ them!

I done even been depressed at times
and didn’t wanna cry cause my pride was too strong
But over the years I thought it over
And after struggling for so long and still holding on I figured…
Can’t be nothing all that wrong with crying
If anybody says that they’re that strong they’re lying

Sometimes you never know what others are going through. The world can be so judgmental and sometimes people are very sensitive and emotional but don’t show out in public. I could always recognize a person with hurt feelings and most times they’d eventually cry. During my times of depression, I try not to. I don’t want to show any signs of weakness. But, trust that I know it only hurts more, so inside I do cry. It’s just that the tears never physically come out.

See crying is like taking your soul to the Laundromat
It’s like the feeling that you get
When you see your Grand mama smile
Or the heavens open up and blessing rain down
Go on child and cry
Go on and cry, cry, cry
Go on and cry, cry, cry
We can cry, we can cry together

Aside from a good laugh, a good cry will do you some justice. All of those hurt feelings are acknowledged while you are ridding yourself of all that pain and sorrow. The sun suddenly starts to shine bright as you look up into the sky and then after that last tear, you have your validation that everything is going to be OK.

See I done been a player
And I done been played
I done went for some of the oldest tricks
from some of the coldest chicks God done ever made

If men are considered dogs, women have to be b!+ches (used in the context of female dogs only). I admit I had my fair share of female companionship over my 3+ decades; from the angelic to Satan’s woman version. I guess people in general are just going to do what they want, feel how they feel, and need what they need; no matter the gender. It’s just part of human nature. We’ve all wanted ‘right’ but we have all done some wrong.

(See y’all don’t hear me) Said I done even had a venereal disease
And didn’t wanna go to the clinic, all that attention embarrassing me
But over the years I’ve learned to understand
That I don’t really give a damn what nobody says, I’m a man

And we cry, cry
We can cry, we can cry, we can cry together

So prior to the ex-girlfriend I mentioned above, I was in a monogamous relationship with my first “real’ girlfriend. Before I get to that, I remember growing up in the neighborhood and friends would often talk about sex. I couldn’t relate because I was still inexperienced but it was the braggadocios thing to do if you were. But, then again no truths about their confrontations were ever confirmed; unless it came from the females themselves and although it didn’t happen often, a few females would actually kiss and tell.

Back to my first “real” girlfriend: Needless to say, I was a late bloomer when it came to a sexual encounter. I was actually a few months shy from heading away to college before the experienced happened. Ironically, she was in the same boat. I was getting older and we had plans; or so I thought. One day I took her to the clinic for a physical, you know the girly thing? I actually dropped her off but when I returned all eyes were on me. There were uncomfortable stares but I ignored them. Later on she tells me the doctor said, “Your partner is dirty”. I didn’t quite know what that meant. I mean I shower every day. She showed me a prescription for doxycycline. I asked a friend, who was a male nurse, about it that same day and he explained it was used to treat sexually transmitted diseases. He further explained that if she is about to be on it, I should do the same.

I go see my physician and lawfully he gives me the rundown of how I should use protection, etcetera. I was aware of all of that. However, he was not informed that we were actually trying to conceive. Needless to say, he dropped a bombshell on my ‘then’ ignorant ass: “You should not be having unprotected sex with multiple partners”. Wait a second; I was new to sex with only one partner. The next week, my results came in: NEGATIVE. You do the math!

[Bridge:]

Talkin’ bout woo woo woo yea yea yea
They say a man ain’t supposed to cry (they say a man ain’t supposed…)
but I know, know, know
Fa’ sho sho’, sho’
That even men go through problems sometimes

Talkin’ bout woo woo woo yea yea yea
They say a man ain’t supposed to cry
but I know, know, know
Fa’ sho sho’, sho’
That even men go through problems sometimes

(I’m a man) And we… cry

So if it’s not a manly thing to cry, what exactly are we supposed to do? If I shed a tear or two, does that make me less of a man or is it if I do cry it shows that I’m grown up and look pass any and all perceptions that make that activity forbidden for the male species? One thing I do acknowledge about a good cry is though it shows vulnerability, after it’s over, it has built an unfamiliar strength in you and certain struggles you had before seem less daunting. So after this cry, it’s on!

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