So I’ve pretty much decided at this point…I will not be buying MDNA, the new album from Madonna.

What’s the breaking point for artists that you love? Like, at what point do you stop buying mediocre albums by artists who you support simply for their previous work? Two examples I can give prior to Madonna? LL Cool J and Janet Jackson. I feel like I’d probably buy another Janet album blind simply because…she’s Janet. Meanwhile, a service like Spotify would come in handy for another LL record because I’d be able to hear it prior to buying it. And truthfully, I’ll probably give MDNA a spin to make sure there are no hidden gems beneath the surface.

But that probably won’t happen. Because “Give Me All Your Luvin'” was shit. And Madge’s latest single, “Girl Gone Wild”–while it isn’t outright shit, it’s fairly mediocre dance-pop. The thing about Madonna is that you always expect that she’s gonna do something musically that’s gonna push the envelope-it’s why I give Ray of Light props even though it’s barely above average from a qualitative standpoint. It was different. The five or six good songs on her last album, Hard Candy, were good either because they had a vibe reminiscent of Madonna’s very early days or they benefitted from Justin Timberlake’s surprisingly solid production touch OR they actually revealed a soul under the ┬ábeats (“Miles Away”.) Her new material sounds generic as all hell. She might be able to pack them in on tour, but judging from the sound of her latest two singles, I hope she sticks to playing the hits, because “Girl Gone Wild” is strictly wander-the-halls-for-nachos-and-beer material.

The best thing about all of this is that Joe Francis has allegedly threatened Madonna with legal action for using the song title. Pop culture idiocy, how I love thee.

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