If you don’t have a sweet tooth, you’re not human. Whether you’re pulling out a pack of Twizzlers or reaching in the freezer for the frozen Milky Way bar, very few of us can resist the urge of a sugary treat every now and then. In the spirit of that theory, the Popblerd staff came together to vote on our favorite candies. We figured it was an interesting deviation from the entertainment-related lists we’ve done so far (and don’t worry, there are many, MANY more to come!)
While you generally can’t get the group of us to agree on much of anything-this list proves that we are all certified Choco-holics, Willy Wonka style. Unfortunately, I happen to be diabetic, so this list reminds me of THINGS I CAN NO LONGER EAT AND NOW I’M BANGING MY HEAD AGAINST THE WALL!!!
OK, I’m better. Here’s our Top Ten.
10. Charleston Chew
It says a lot about my identification with music that when I hear the brand name “Charleston Chew”, my first thought is of Eminem’s verse on “Forgot About Dre” where he talks about crazy enough that he’ll choke you to death on one. Anyway, I digress. I couldn’t really think of much to say about this particular chocolatey delight, so I went to the same place I always go to when I’m stuck on a thought…Wikipedia. There, I discovered that the chews are a) made in flavors other than chocolate (I don’t remember ever having a strawberry or vanilla-flavored Charleston Chew, but I’ll take Wikipedia’s word for it!)
I also discovered that the key ingredient in the Charleston Chew is nougat. I’ve heard of nougat many times over the years (since it’s mentioned in just about every candy bar commercial), but never decided to figure out what nougat (pronounced NEW-git) actually was until now. There are three different kinds of it! Check out the Wikipedia page for nougat here. I just like saying it. Nougat. Nougat. Nougat.
Anyway, Charleston Chews are awesome…but only chocolate ones. Only because I’ve never had any of the others.
9. Nestle’ Crunch
I like crunchy things. I like chocolatey things. So you’d kinda figure that Nestle Crunch bars would be a home run in my snack ballpark, and you’d be absolutely right. The combination of milk chocolate and crisped rice (?) is music to my taste buds, and I always dug the fact that the bars came encased in a silvery foil wrapper, encased in that familiar blue and white outer wrapper. Then I went onto (again) Wikipedia and discovered that they no longer come in the foil wrapper? What the HELL, Nestle’? Also, what’s up with the accent mark at the end of Nestle’? Are we supposed to pronounce it like Beyonce’? Nest-LAY?? Help a brotha out here.
In my humble opinion, candy Whoppers > BK’s Whopper. Nothing against Burga’ Kang, but there’s something about those malted milk balls dipped in chocolate that completely turns my crank. They’re crunchy (and as you know from #10, I have an unnatural affinity for crispy stuff) and they taste absolutely delightful. I’ve definitely had situations where I opened up a box and just poured them into my mouth with gluttonous abandon. And correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t they used to come in a container that was shaped like a milk carton? Awesomeness.
7. M&Ms (Plain)
Yes, we separated plain M&Ms from peanut M&Ms. Hey, if enough people had voted for almond M&Ms or pretzel M&Ms, they could have made the list. Doesn’t matter what color they are, I’ll even scarf the brown ones that Van Halen leaves behind in their dressing room. They’re as simple as candy comes, but just because they’re basic doesn’t mean they’re not satisfying. Plus, M&Ms have the most consistently entertaining commercials of any candy product these days.
As the candy bar eternally linked to Bart Simpson, Butterfinger carries with it the slight stigma of being a marketing gimmick. “Nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger,” is certainly among the most memorable candy catchphrases, but in the same sort of grating, forced edginess that Bart himself can sometimes fall into. Thankfully, however, the candy itself transcends the famous ad campaign with it’s utterly unique mix of peanut butter, crunchy texture, and flaky insides, all coated in chocolate. No other candy bar can compare with the crisp crunch of Butterfingers, complete with their accompanying rain of peanut butter flakes that invariably coat the eater by the end (and make it hard to deny culpability if you do happen to steal someone else’s).
Sure, growing up it was those bad commercials that made me want Butterfingers, especially at Halloween, where they’d fetch a high price in post trick’r’treat bargaining. But now that I am a bit more mature (for lack of a better word), I still find myself reaching for that satisfying crunchy, flaky mess when I need a sugar fix. Combined with Mountain Dew, they provide all the fuel I need for late night bouts of writing (or more often than not gaming). So in that case, yes, I do enjoy my Butterfingers. And I would advise against laying a finger on mine.-Stephen
5. M&Ms Peanut
It’s no secret that nothing is tastier than a good old-fashioned nut sack – err, bag filled with peanuts, that is – and M&M’s, of “melts in your mouth, not in your hand” fame, did one better by wrapping its nuts in a chocolate coating and a delicious candy shell. The result is a stroke of genius that combines the crunchy satisfaction of nuts with the sweet decadence of chocolate, and a bag of these treats is a delightful way to pass the day. Or, you know, the hour – they go pretty quickly. – Drew
4. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
You can walk into any godforsaken convenience store, gas station, food mart or movie theater and get a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup any time of the year. But there’s something about this masterful collision of two of my greatest vices that always links the candy with Halloween in my head. Maybe it’s that distinctive orange packaging. Maybe it’s because Halloween was the only time those single-package Reese’s seemed to appear. Maybe it’s the fact that one of their most memorable commercials revealed how vampires eat these delicious treats:
There are countless other sweets that merge peanut butter and chocolate, but Reese’s is the classic, and their pretty hard to top.-Dr. Gonzo
Truth in advertising: “Snickers satisfies”. A simple catchphrase, for sure, but is it inaccurate? Hell, no.
Nougat rears it’s tasty head again, combined with milk chocolate and peanuts to create heaven in a candy bar. There aren’t many things better…or at least I thought that was the case until I had…a Snickers Ice Cream Bar. Where do they come up with these things?
Did you know that the Snickers bar was named after a horse? I didn’t, either. Huh. The things you learn.
2. Kit Kat
Gimme a break! Gimme a break, break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar! No, I’m not singing a damn jingle, I want a damn piece of that Kit Kat you’re holding! They come multiple to a pack, and they’re easy to break open anyway, so you have no excuse. Damn that chocolate wafer-y goodness! They’re so damn good, I have nothing else to say!
What’s better than a delicious, crunchy biscuit coated in caramel and chocolate? Two of them, that’s what. Twix doesn’t merely tickle the taste buds – it appeals to our greedier natures. Not content to merely be the tastiest candy bar on the planet, it’s the tastiest TWO candy bars on the planet. Once you’ve had a Twix, you’re only halfway through – such is the genius of Twix. – Drew
Chewy caramel. Rich milk chocolate. And that great cookie crunch! In addition to being delicious, the appeal to Twix was always that you got not one, but TWO candy bars. Twix wisely steered clear of friendship and sharing as a marketing tool. While Kit Kat attempted to foster global brotherhood with their famous “gimme a break” campaign, Twix knew better. Recall their early 1990s slogan, “Two for me! NONE FOR YOU.”
Twix has also had a number of interesting variants over the years. Peanut Butter Twix are the most constant companion to “original,” but the early 1990s saw a brief expansion of the Twix family, including Chocolate Fudge Twix and my personal favorite, Cookies n’ Cream Twix. Sadly, these varieties were short lived, and I could never understand why. But the original variety remains one of my go-to treats when I decide to throw caution to the wind and indulge in chocolate bar. Fun fact – Twix provided yet another outlet for Yello’s ubiquitous 1980s hit “Oh Yeah.”-Dr. Gonzo
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