Oh, United States of America. 234 years old on Sunday and you don’t look a day over 233!!
Look, we all know that “The Star Spangled Banner” is a difficult song to sing. Add in the jitters you get from having to perform it live before a full stadium (usually acapella), and it’s a surprise there aren’t even MORE shitty versions of our National Anthem out there. That said, the performances that Billboard Magazine lists as the 10 worst National Anthem performances of all time are all pretty cringe-inducing. From Roseanne Barr’s crotch-grabbing send-up (which gets a pass from me because it was performed badly on purpose) to R. Kelly’s misguided belief that he could create a reimagining of the Anthem on par with Marvin Gaye’s legendary 1983 rendition, you’ll be doing a lot of wincing as you watch these clips. The version they put at #1 is so bad it literally made the hairs on my arm stand up. I’m pretty sure Francis Scott Key heard it and rolled over in his grave.
So, while you’re setting off sparklers and M-80s (make sure you don’t blow any fingers off) or enjoying hot dogs and beer, salute our flag and don’t blame me if you have to stifle a chuckle next time you put your hand over your heart because you’re remembering one of these awful performances.
8 comments
Andrew says:
Jul 2, 2010
Wow. Before today, I had never heard of Kat DeLuna, much less having heard her, um, “perform”. And now I know why I I’ve never heard of her…please tell me that her career went nowhere and that she is seating customers at an Appleby’s somewhere. ‘Cuz that would help put my world back in order after enduring that clip to the end.
My guess as to what happened with Aaron Neville et al, is that the arranger contacted their publicists to tell them, “we’ll swing it N’Awlins style, just follow the Doctor and you’ll be fine”, and they showed up for the gig with no rehearsal.
As for their picks for the best five, gotta agree with most of them. Underwood’s might be the very best “just sing it” version , Houston’s is still gut-wrenchingly patriotic to this day, Gaye’s is probably the gutsiest arrangement ever and he’s got the chops to make it work. Hendrix is simply Hendrix, creating an iconic moment. Beyonce’s version is certainly good, though I’m not sure I’d place in the top 5 (but major props for that cool run she throws on top of “Oh say does…” near the end).
With all that said, I’d nominate Huey Lewis and the News’ version to take the #5 slot… here’s the best recording I could find: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3qD1jKNYaU&feature=related
blerd says:
Jul 2, 2010
Hey Andrew…I was actually gonna mention the Huey performance myself. It’s one of my favorites. Truth be told, although I’ve heard of Kat Deluna before today, I really don’t know who she is, either!! I don’t think we’ll ever hear of her again after that travesty, either!!
GG says:
Jul 2, 2010
I’ve heard Huey do it a ton since he’s done it for Giants and 49ers games many times. I love it when they do it.
I thought Jennifer Hudson’s was the best one I’d heard lately. But nothing tops Marvin. Nothing. Carrie Underwood’s performance was really good, but better than Marvin’s? No way.
And what’s Billboard smoking? The R. Kelly performance was done at a Bernard Hopkins/Jermaine Taylor fight, not Mayweather/Pacquiao, who haven’t ever fought before. Someone was fucking around.
Lastly, how could anyone forget Carl?
http://www.fanbase.com/1-Carl-Lewis/video/2700?n=2
blerd says:
Jul 2, 2010
Oh, God. Not Carl Lewis.
Swapmeet Louie says:
Jul 2, 2010
LOL! This is a great post!!! The Kat DeLuna one is the funniest because she THINKS she’s knocking it out of the park. Sass does NOT belong in the SSBanner. She tries to do all these vocal acrobatics when the anthem doesn’t need it, nor does it require it because it’s difficult enough.
Plus the hand movements… it’s like she’s trying to use the Jedi mind-trick… “You WILL like this performance…” (waves hand)
Great post!
blerd says:
Jul 2, 2010
The hand movements are what totally killed it for me. I was like “what the hell is she trying to do?”
Sini says:
Jul 3, 2010
I agree with GG, nothing will match Marvin Gaye’s.
Favorite National Anthem Performances « neodrew says:
Jul 3, 2010
[…] } A couple days ago, a friend of mine posted a blog about Billboard’s list of 10 Worst National Anthem Performances. Mike […]